I'm standing at the end of a decade, and I sometimes don't recognize the person I've evolved into. Visually, going from 20 to 30 is like navigating a long, dark tunnel. Each passing year grew a little brighter. Now, I'm supposed to be an adult. I'm not putting that pressure on myself. What I will celebrate tomorrow is the fact that I have spent the last ten years truly finding myself. I suppose, as a reader, the last ten years would've made a more interesting blog. Too bad. This is me discovering the art of thirty.
What I anticipate is a lot of searching for where I belong in my career. I definitely see Graduate school in my future. But what else? Commitment ceremonies? Babies? Dinner parties? Will I finally find my perfect red lipstick and fit into a size 10 jean? I will have to take some time to develop some goals. I was a slacker in my twenties. I tasked myself with two goals: 1) Graduate College, and 2) Quit fucking smoking, for the love of all things holy. Done and done. My dad always says that people should constantly be working on themselves, and improving themselves. Sounds exhausting, to be honest. Buuuut, perhaps that is the wisdom he has in his 60 years. I want to make a crazy long list. Everything will be on it.
Ex: Stop changing myself to accommodate someone else's mood.
I hate that I do that. Ex: Travel somewhere. Save up the money, don't be afraid, and get the hell out of this town.
Ex: Go to the doctor. The girly one. I should do that like, yesterday.
Ex: Find a physical activity that doesn't make me want to punch babies. No, really.
Ex: Save money.
hahahahahahahahahaha no, really.
Where am I now? I'm stuck in a fucked up job that is bizarre, to say the least. The economy is a mess, so I'm hunkering down in this place as long as possible. It's a college. I can't quite define my job description. We're undergoing a "restructuring." I used to be in sales and recruiting. Now I just feel like a glorified appointment setter. Pretty soon, I will be a debt collector. I haven't even paid my own loans. (Shit, add that to the list.
Ex: Pay off student loans before I turn forty.) My boss, who, for the purpose of anonymity, we'll call Craypee, is downright batshit crazy. I came into this job without setting any barriers or boundaries. Therefore, my
real job is managing her psychosis. This leads me to another goal.
Ex: Set boundaries the very first day of any job. Epic fail on my part. Otherwise known as a lesson well learned. I used to have dreams of getting a promotion here, and having real responsibilities...
Love? I feel truly blessed to have found the love of my life. I spent the decade from 15 to 25 trying to figure out exactly what I was looking for in a life partner. It only took me fucking up like, 10 relationships to figure it out. Even now, I really feel like my relationship with AJ (We will call her AJ, obviously) works because she puts up with a significant amount of my shit. Eh, it's give and take. I put up with stuff too. We have been together for four years. It's the real deal.
Family? In my early twenties, I would say I had some difficulty in my relationship with my dad. Mostly due to the fact that I was kind of nuts and he is impatient. It's not a good combination. In retrospect, it was awesome preparation for my relationship with Craypee. Now, though, we're really solid. I have the best mom and dad and sisters that anyone could ask for. I would say that my relationship with my middle sister is strained. But we take it at face value and try not to revel in the pain of the past. Relationships are work. That's the reality of it.
Friends? Seriously. I have the best friends in life. I'm hoping that my bff, Doopy, will be in my life forever. My mang has been there since we were 9 years old. It's crazy to think we're going on 21 years of friendship. The Kominater is pretty special too. These girls really fill a void in my heart. Pure awesomeness.
All that's left is Faith and Facebook. And those are topics to be saved for another day.
Welcome to my blog, people. Happy Birthday to me.
XO
♥
